| About Me |
I grew up in an old school house out in the country, helped my Dad raise cattle and rode a big yellow bus every weekday to get my education. I was a skinny kid with platinum blonde hair who had nicknames like Cue-Tip and Johnny Jingle. In elementary school I learned that law isn't always fair when I got the strap because someone believed I threw a snowball at them when I really didn't. My frozen hands were never the same and to this day turn purple when cold.
As the family expanded so did the home renovations. We made more room by tearing off the old roof and steeple and built a second floor. The old school became a nice big eight bedroom house.
Raising cattle to our high standards became too much of a cost and was phased out. We converted our barn into a three bay garage. I bought my first vehicle when I was twelve and have had fourteen cars since. In grade nine I broke my leg in a snowmobile accident and adjusted to using a bed-pan for seven weeks while I was in traction. I had my first summer job at fourteen and have had a total of seventeen jobs since. To this point I am best described as a jack of all trades who has yet to find something he can be happy doing for the rest of his life.
Circumstances may have changed over the years like living on my own in a big city, but the underlying important thing is the people I know and call my friends are genuine.
Why this website
I remember one day in grade one going into the washroom and using one of the toilets there. When I was finished I walked to the door past the urinals. There was another boy named Greg standing there peeing. I stopped and watched him. His penis looked different than mine. The end wasn't covered. I was intrigued and kept looking. I thought that it looked very nice in its own way. After a little while Greg noticed I was just standing there staring at him. He freaked out saying something like, "What are you looking at you fag!!". I ran out of there.
Later that year we had gym class and had to change into a pair of shorts and T-shirt. All us guys were in the change room. I began undressing by taking off my shirt then my pants. While I was putting on my T-shirt Greg yells something like, "Awh look at John, his balls are hanging out what a fag!" I flushed to my roots, hurriedly got dressed and ran out of there. From that point on fag was everyones favorite nickname for me and any time I was in a change room I was afraid.
I was only staring at Greg because I had never seen a circumcised penis. After that day I had gone into my room and examined my penis. I remember pealing back the skin to expose the head, and any time I would go to pee I would pull the skin back. I didn't know what circumcision was and thought that that must be what I needed to do. I was just a kid. Eventually I managed to train my foreskin to stay behind the head, but it looks good that way and stays cleaner so it's alright.
I remember later on at home taking a bath and locking the door. My Mom coming to check up on me like she always did and saying, "Oh, you locked the door. Is everything ok?". I responded by telling her I just wanted some privacy, but really I was afraid she would see me. I never thought anything of it before and was at ease with myself up to that point. I let the fear change my behavior. From Gregs reaction I decided it was wrong for anyone to see anyone else without clothing and felt bad any time it happened.
Can you believe I only came to terms with this last year? It's amazing how something can stick with you and control you all your life. Now I am able to accept myself and be happy about the way I am. I no longer feel ashamed of the natural human form.
I see now that Greg had an irrational fear of being seen and tried to make it appear that it was my problem and not his by saying what he did. I don't blame him for the way I was treated or anything like that, but I do see that these types of events will keep having similar outcomes if we don't start communicating.
As an example if Greg would have been ok with it (like I am in this picture) I would have asked him why his penis looked different and we could have talked about it and learned from each other. Instead I felt real bad and ended up carrying that fear for all those years.
Also, looking back, I can see that Greg picked up on my "It's different" thought pattern. It became important to him to look at mine when we were in the change room to see what was so different. Then, in his mind, he had to make sure no one thought he was a fag for looking so he put all the attention on me.
This is one example, from a simple grade one perspective, of why I've created this website. The need to be open with each other with the natural human form and communicate about it. To know it's healthier to be ok with it and have a good opinion of oneself. To understand ones own identity and expand the awareness of this other layer of interaction. To be understanding and tolerant of others.
As the family expanded so did the home renovations. We made more room by tearing off the old roof and steeple and built a second floor. The old school became a nice big eight bedroom house.
Raising cattle to our high standards became too much of a cost and was phased out. We converted our barn into a three bay garage. I bought my first vehicle when I was twelve and have had fourteen cars since. In grade nine I broke my leg in a snowmobile accident and adjusted to using a bed-pan for seven weeks while I was in traction. I had my first summer job at fourteen and have had a total of seventeen jobs since. To this point I am best described as a jack of all trades who has yet to find something he can be happy doing for the rest of his life.
Circumstances may have changed over the years like living on my own in a big city, but the underlying important thing is the people I know and call my friends are genuine.
Why this website
I remember one day in grade one going into the washroom and using one of the toilets there. When I was finished I walked to the door past the urinals. There was another boy named Greg standing there peeing. I stopped and watched him. His penis looked different than mine. The end wasn't covered. I was intrigued and kept looking. I thought that it looked very nice in its own way. After a little while Greg noticed I was just standing there staring at him. He freaked out saying something like, "What are you looking at you fag!!". I ran out of there.
Later that year we had gym class and had to change into a pair of shorts and T-shirt. All us guys were in the change room. I began undressing by taking off my shirt then my pants. While I was putting on my T-shirt Greg yells something like, "Awh look at John, his balls are hanging out what a fag!" I flushed to my roots, hurriedly got dressed and ran out of there. From that point on fag was everyones favorite nickname for me and any time I was in a change room I was afraid.
I was only staring at Greg because I had never seen a circumcised penis. After that day I had gone into my room and examined my penis. I remember pealing back the skin to expose the head, and any time I would go to pee I would pull the skin back. I didn't know what circumcision was and thought that that must be what I needed to do. I was just a kid. Eventually I managed to train my foreskin to stay behind the head, but it looks good that way and stays cleaner so it's alright.
I remember later on at home taking a bath and locking the door. My Mom coming to check up on me like she always did and saying, "Oh, you locked the door. Is everything ok?". I responded by telling her I just wanted some privacy, but really I was afraid she would see me. I never thought anything of it before and was at ease with myself up to that point. I let the fear change my behavior. From Gregs reaction I decided it was wrong for anyone to see anyone else without clothing and felt bad any time it happened.
Can you believe I only came to terms with this last year? It's amazing how something can stick with you and control you all your life. Now I am able to accept myself and be happy about the way I am. I no longer feel ashamed of the natural human form.
I see now that Greg had an irrational fear of being seen and tried to make it appear that it was my problem and not his by saying what he did. I don't blame him for the way I was treated or anything like that, but I do see that these types of events will keep having similar outcomes if we don't start communicating.
As an example if Greg would have been ok with it (like I am in this picture) I would have asked him why his penis looked different and we could have talked about it and learned from each other. Instead I felt real bad and ended up carrying that fear for all those years.
Also, looking back, I can see that Greg picked up on my "It's different" thought pattern. It became important to him to look at mine when we were in the change room to see what was so different. Then, in his mind, he had to make sure no one thought he was a fag for looking so he put all the attention on me.
This is one example, from a simple grade one perspective, of why I've created this website. The need to be open with each other with the natural human form and communicate about it. To know it's healthier to be ok with it and have a good opinion of oneself. To understand ones own identity and expand the awareness of this other layer of interaction. To be understanding and tolerant of others.
Give me a shake!!
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